Blowin'

It's really windy outside right now.  I like it whenever there is ANY sign of weather in this godforsaken desert.  Last night my wife and I were trying to cheer ourselves up by looking at quaint little houses on the net, and any time I saw one that showed a snowy yard in the pics, it just depressed me.  Or leaves to be raked, or the green green grass of home.  Anything seasonal.

On the positive side, it looks like the real estate meltdown has hit everywhere, so we should still be able to buy a house when we get back to some small town in the Midwest.

I was surprised how depressing it was to look at houses.  I realized that I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to finish this PhD degree in the next two years, and all the parts that are left are the parts that scare me - the comprehensive exam, the dissertation proposal, the dissertation, the dissertation defense...

I so lack the mental energy for all of this.  Sometimes I think I didn't want a PhD so much as I wanted a "book circle", someplace where I can study stuff and discuss it with likeminded people.  But now I'm in it up to my ears, and I suppose the only way out of it is "forward".

I know this is all in my head, but if I've learned anything in the last two years, it's that the reality "in our heads" is the reality in which we must live.  So the only way I can change this is to "change ME" (me, Stacey, not M.E., Molly Erdman).

The wind has stopped blowing, and so shall I.