Moving Forward

 I wonder if anyone will ever read this.  I don’t suppose it matters.

Professionally, I was hurt SO BADLY a couple of months ago, and I just don’t know how to bounce back.

In the wake of it, self-respect demanded that I pull back from the one part of my job where I could make a difference, which was also the one part I passionately cared about.

So I don’t do that anymore.

And virtually no one seems to have noticed my absence. Evidently, I was making less of a difference than I thought.

The rest of my job is like most of my career - a bad punchline to a bad joke.

My one skill in life was going to school.  My father used to laugh at me when I’d say my main talent was “I test well”.  So I went to school.  College, off and on, for twenty-nine years from start to finish.  I earned two bachelor’s degrees, four master’s degrees, and one doctorate.

And where has that gotten me?

I added value, on the job, from late 1994 to early 1998.

I don’t know if a person can die of melancholy, but I’m just so fucking done with trying to be a normal human being.